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And one father insists that he has made it through 28 years of parenthood without ever ordering his kids to obey him in the first place. Then, when I was older, I read an article stating that abused children grow up to be abusing parents themselves. This convinced me to definitely never hit my own children.
Kelly, who now lives in Tustin, never considered herself an abused. My father was a career Marine officer. She tests me an awful lot. And never in the face. I remember how awful it was to go to school with a fat lip.
So I decided that I had to do something else. When she misbehaves, I make her sit in a chair for one minute. She hates it! But she says there are several things that should be tried first. Parents should try to prevent transgressions before they happen, by keeping forbidden objects out of reach, for example, and supervising children closely in known problem situations, she says.
If they spank their child for spilling milk, what do they do if he or she takes scissors to the living room drapes--use thumbscrews? Stephanie does admit that sometimes she resorts to corporal punishment herself. Spanking consists of one swat immediately after the problem, followed by a time out in her room to think about her actions. Spanking experiences parents who spank will admit that they do it mostly to vent their own anger or frustration at the child for disobeying, or at themselves for not knowing what else to do.
Spanking does nothing to tell children what you do want them to do, which, after all, is the goal of discipline in the first place. Jean, who lives in Laguna Hills, has a son and daughter who are now grown. She agrees with Stephanie that praise is important. I just expected good behavior. It is not so much punishment as training the child that certain modes of behavior are not permitted. After age 5, children understand language, and such things as a period of isolation in their rooms, or being grounded.
Like Kelly, Benny grew up with a father who believed in corporal punishment.
All forms of punishment open the door to various levels of child abuse. His oldest son, 28, is now a spanking experiences. The middle son, 26, is a lawyer, and the youngest, 19, is a college student and aspiring actor. Benny said he never worried about whether his children obeyed him because he never asked them to. We parents are in error in making demands of them.
Those are the things kids usually say, but I believe them, too. Benny says that instead of punishment or discipline, his sons learned by example. Give us your opinion; share your experiences on these or other topics:. The nest is empty. How do you deal with the boomerang kid who keeps coming back home? How do you get them to treat you as an adult under the circumstances? Do you have what it takes to kick him out? Parents who have shown kids the door, tell us how you went about it and how well it worked, for you and your offspring. And those of you who have been booted out: Was it the best thing Mom and Dad ever did for you?
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Hot Property. Times Events. Times Store. Facebook Twitter Show more sharing options Share Close extra sharing options. Jan Hofmann, a mother of two, writes regularly for Orange County Life.Spanking experiences
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